Keisha is a mom of two, therapist, coach, activist, parent, and the founder of radicallyBLended Services, PLLC. A few months ago, Keisha spoke with us on about raising a queer child in Chicago. We’re sharing some of our conversation here. This conversation has been edited for clarity and length. Listen to the full conversation on NPN’s podcast, Chicago Style Parenting.
How can parents create a safe environment for our children to talk to us about anything?
First, I'll say that a lot of the tips that I'm going to share I’ve learned through the relationship I have with my oldest child who identifies as transmasculine, born a girl. Even though I have years of professional experience working with all types of people, listening to my child has been the greatest start.
- Have open communication and pay attention to body language, listen for inflections. They could say one thing, but their body is doing another. For example, you can say, “Is it okay if I ask you, you’re fidgeting, but you're telling me you're okay?”
- Respect their privacy. Sharing whatever they share with you with random people, even a family member, is to say, “I don't value your privacy. I don't value your sense of safety with me.”
- Give them space to share their experience without adding your own. When we respond with something like, “Oh, I know that experience. Let me tell you about the time I went through this,” we are saying that their experience is not that valuable. Instead ask them, “What is it that I can provide to you?”
What should a parent do when their child comes out to them or they suspect that their child is queer?
- Congratulate them on sharing this with you. It took a lot of bravery.
- Bring in your community to support you on this. I'm very much an ally, but I still felt very inexperienced in this area of parenting, so leaning on my support system and asking them to be supportive of my child was really helpful.
- Check in with your partner about their feelings. You shouldn’t go through this alone just like your child shouldn’t go through it alone. You need support too.
- Ask your child how you can support them.
How can parents ensure that their child feels safe outside of the home?
- Be mindful of the friends that they're around and if they are allies or not.
- Communicate with your school. Reach out to the support systems within the school to help advocate for your child's safety.
- Talk with your child daily. Notice their demeanor when they come home.
- Seek out resources that help you understand what your child needs.
How can parents advocate for their child at school?
- Institutions respond very quickly to documentation. If you write an email to the administrator about something that is going on, include dates and times.
- Understand your rights. When you can, point to a page in the school code of conduct that is relevant.
- When you send emails, cc whoever is valuable for that email. It ensures that everyone who is involved has the same information.
- Use soft language like, “I mean no harm, but this is my child, and I'm going to advocate for them. I trust your judgment as leader of this school to do what's right, and the right thing to do is in your school code of conduct. So I would like for you to do that.”
- Find someone who is a good balance and can help. If you're hot headed, reach out to someone who is calm. Have them read the email before you send it. If you're someone who has a hard time speaking up, reach out to someone who can help you speak up.
What resources do you suggest for parents?
There's so many organizations within the city that you can be a part of to volunteer your time or learn from. NPN has great resources. I've seen a lot of resources in Chicago Parent leading up to Pride month.
Here are some other resources that are helpful.
- Resources within Chicago Public Schools
- The Trevor Project
- Gay Straight Alliance (GSA)
- Howard Brown Health
- Center on Halsted
- Good Kids Mad City
These resources are for any adult who wants to be an ally. I'm sure there's a young person that would benefit from just knowing someone like you cares and really wants to impact change.
I also want to share that my husband, our children, and I will each be sharing our wisdom and well read knowledge on topics we are passionate about on our new podcast, The radicalBLend Podcast which launches Thursday, February 6th on Spotify.
Thank you, Keisha!
